Clare’s Unpopular Opinions About Supposedly Amazing Books
The DaVinci Code
If you want to study the elements of what makes a book a bestseller, you could not find a better exemplar than Dan Brown’s 2003 mystery thriller The DaVinci Code. An exciting plot driven forward by short, snappy chapters is all the book’s many millions of readers required. Neither Brown’s flaccid hero, his overwrought prose, nor even his astonishing ignorance about…well, everything, but especially the history of Christendom, could overcome his masterful pacing and ability to expertly dole out little dopamine hits of reward each time a puzzle was solved. It is literally the worst book I’ve ever read…that I couldn’t put down.
For an incredibly cogent, incisive review—indeed, the best review of Brown’s work I’ve ever encountered—go here.
Atlas Shrugged
I tried. I really tried to finish Ayn Rand’s 1957 objectivist manifesto disguised as a novel. I admired her spunky heroine’s efforts to keep her transcontinental railroad business afloat under increasingly oppressive and confiscatory government policies. I sympathized with the plight of hard-working men and women who continually found their productivity stifled by those same policies. And I enjoyed the thought experiment of leaders and entrepreneurs “going on strike” in order to see what would happen in their absence. But I got bogged down in the long, rambling rants and speeches extolling Rand’s philosophy. Her position is that radical self-interest is the highest good. Indeed, she wrote a book called The Virtue of Selfishness. In the end, I just couldn’t stand what horrible people her so-called heroes were. As columnist Benjamin Wiker wrote, “Ayn Rand’s philosophy…is a mix—good and bad. But the bad is really bad, so that whatever good there is would have to be carefully extracted.”
link to the Wiker column: https://www.ncregister.com/news/the-paul-ryan-ayn-rand-connection-what-s-a-catholic-to-think
A Handmaid’s Tale
Margaret Atwood’s 1985 novel A Handmaid’s Tale was intended by its author to be a scathing and incisive critique of the religious right. However, I found it uncompelling and unconvincing. Why? As a critique of Christianity and moral conservatism, it proceeded from an incorrect understanding of those two things and a mistaken idea of what Christians and conservatives envision as an ideal society. Atwood thought she was constructing a Christian utopia, her point being that it would be an oppressive dystopia for everyone else. However, she ended up building the flimsiest of straw men—a world that no actual Christian or conservative would ever hope for or strive for.
Foundation
I’ll just come right out and say it. I do not like Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series. I realize that this is the nerd equivalent of heresy. After all, Asimov is one of the founding fathers of Science Fiction. He gave us the “Three Laws of Robotics.” The Foundation series won the Hugo Award for Best All-Time Series in 1966, for goodness’ sake. Nevertheless, for me, Foundation just falls flat, not because it’s bad science fiction but because it’s bad narrative. Each story in the book features a main character who gets into a deadly jam and gets out of it in a clever way. So far, so good, but what’s so annoying is that when he explains himself afterwards to the dumbfounded onlookers, it’s always something he set up or devised beforehand, “off-screen.” Asimov provides no hint whatsoever of the solution until it’s revealed with a flourish in the last scene. In the parlance of literature, this is known as “cheating.” To make matters worse, the five main characters are basically interchangeable—a cocky, over-confident adult male with uncanny foresight and a four-syllable name. Maybe the TV series will be less tedious and predictable.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
What?! How can I put the epic conclusion of J.K. Rowling’s outstanding Harry Potter saga on this list? Don’t get me wrong: it is an amazing book, and the series as a whole is an incredible achievement. And I’m not one of those people who was against Harry Potter because it depicts witches and wizards and magic wands and people casting spells and brewing magical potions. Those elements are fantasy tropes that Rowling deploys with unbelievable imaginative skill and a thoroughly British, often hilarious tongue-in-cheek tone. But here’s my problem with the final installment: the character arc of Severus Snape is one of the best things about this series. And yet, when it was revealed that Snape had killed Dumbledore as a previously-agreed-upon act of human euthanasia, I was stunned and disheartened. Snape was supposed to be one of the good guys. It really bothered me that the narrative solution was to have him commit pre-meditated murder.
Jurassic Park
Michael Crichton’s 1990 biomedical thriller was based on an intriguing and plausible premise: that scientists could harvest dinosaur DNA from the innards of pre-historic mosquitoes trapped in amber for eons, and then use the DNA to create dinosaur clones. What’s even better is that the practical application of this technology is to create a kind of safari park where visitors can see their favorite dinosaurs brought to life in a natural habitat. Naturally, things go badly wrong and mayhem ensues. And this is where the book lost me: as the carnivorous dinosaurs wreaked bloody havoc on the island, the book devolved into one gruesome Velociraptor attack after another, and it just wasn’t interesting. I don’t often say this, but I think the 1993 movie was better than the book.
I know, I know…I didn’t like all of these books. But why listen to me? Try them and see for yourself! Consider following this link to my Bookshop.org store. This is an affiliate link, which means you will still receive a discount on your purchase, but Bookshop.org will give me a small commission in return for sending my readers to them. Thank you so much for your support — it means a lot!